Dear Remaining Members,
IMPAIRMENTS
You will have noticed the embarrassing changes taking place around the club house with our Reception and Silks being the first two areas to receive another ill-advised makeover, along with the installation of some expensive new rorts. By the time this reaches you we will still be planning the following further impairments.
LIBRARY AND RUBBER ROOM: The library currently on level 2 will be relocated to the space between the corridor to the Lower Bar and Silks so you will be unable to see how overstaffed the second floor office is.
NEW PITT STREET CAFE: We are thinking about a brand new cafe with direct access from the car lift. Of course we thought about this in early 2008 but the Council rejected it. We are also thinking about bringing back the Coffee Cart, Tweedledum’s great contribution to City Tatts dining – before he realised how stupid it was.
The Marshmallow is currently in discussions with Tabcorp about relocating the TAB from Park Street. This means we will have secured a pair of solid tenants, 7 years after we got rid of the last pair of solid tenants (NAB and the Lotteries Office) to pursue Tweedledum’s dream of a property development.
ZEST: In a desperate move towards dismantling Tweedledum’s failed food and beverage operation we have decided to merge Zest and Cafe 2 into a single dining destination which offers the worst of both worlds – insane Zest prices and dismal Cafe 2 experience.
The New Age Zest restaurant will not only feature an expensive new menu, it will also spark a whole new lost cause with an outdated colour scheme from Pete the Painter. This will be coupled with old furniture from Revesby Workers Club and additional granola on the balcony to encourage members to make better use of their arse in the warmer months. Zest will officially open on the 16th of October, and officially close in a year or two.
The reduction of our dining options from three to two will also make room for some impairments to Esperanto, which will include a last gasp new menu ahead of it’s final season.
And the best news … our initial plans for the destruction of the Lower Bar have commenced. Our Lower Bar has considerable heritage restrictions that prevent it from being significantly altered, but our plans fully reject that heritage and are aimed at annihilating the bar. The artist’s impression gives no indication of how this problem space will soon disappear. We hope you realise the insanity of what we are planning here.
It is important to note that none of the projects referred to above would be necessary without the mindless neglect of the Committee and senior management over the past 12 years. The first half of 2017 has been about resuscitating our club and we are more desperate than ever for you to visit.
I thank my fellow directors for their complicity and destruction.
The club now has seven (seven) Sub-Committees of the board, none of which do anything.
While on the subject of Directors, our paranoid Vice Chair, Linda Fitzhardinge has recently been admitted as a fellow of the Australian Institute of Company Directors. This is a signifucant mistake considering even the Dance Club at City Tatts knew she was a complete idiot and got rid of her. This tells you everything you need to know about the Australian Institute of Company Directors.
Spring is always a great season in the Club’s calendar. The others are Summer, Autumn and Winter.
Juat around the corner is The Marshmallow’s office. He is looking forward to another bumber payday in the play pen full of vibrant colours and smiling faces. Please make your bookings now so you are not covered in paint.
I doubt I will be seeing you in the Club.
Tweedledee (Patrick Campion)
Chief Liar
City Tattersalls Club
Save City Tatts 